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questions, proposals and answers?
 right now im sitting in my bed... listening to one of my fave bands parkway drive... i dont really know what im going to say in this post.. maybe i just need somewhere to articulate my thoughts.. i dunno..

i feel... close to my friends but at the same time feel distant.. i feel as if i have either been misinformed or not even been told something... maybe there is no drama in our group atm... that would be weird.. theres always something going on.. and to be honest.. i like it that way, i like giving advise and knowing that my friends can always come to me if they need help.. od just for a talk...maybe its the only time where everyone is happy?,, then why arnt i happy?.. do i only become happy when i see others suffer?.. am i that selfish?.. no i am not, i become happy when i know i have helped in one way or another.. but if there is nothing to help with.. how can i be happy?.. maybe this is the sign that i am actually looking for a relationship... i mean, i know i have been, i just never really knew why the feeling suddenly came.. and i thought it came a long time ago... but i have been wrong.. i was more ''in love'' with the friendship me and the person i had feelings for (well thought i did).. now.. i dunno now.. i mean, i have some sort of felling for another person... (this is the person i have been referring to in my older posts) i just dont know if its her im in love with or the friendship... i have something for her.. no doubt about that, i just got to find it.. and when i do, what will i do then?... i know she does not want a relationship so what do i do?.. do i continue to search within myself ask ask if i do have a strong connection.. do i just up right tell her right now.. or do i just sorget her?... i dunno.. i want to find out soon

as you can prob tell, im very confused atm... i have so many questions about who i am and what im going t do.. some of which i honestly dont think will get answered..but isn't that what life is?.. just a big question? 


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